My Fault

“While I rolled the window of my mother’s car up and down, I couldn’t stop thinking what the next hellish year had in store for me. I couldn’t stop asking myself how we’d ended up like this, leaving our home to cross the country on our way to California. Three months had passed since I’d gotten the terrible news that would change my life forever, the same news that would make me want to cry at night, that would make me rant and rave like I was eleven instead of seventeen.”

Noah Morgan’s move from Toronto to Los Angeles acts as the inciting event of the novel. She feels trapped and powerless in the car, and the image of her playing with the window captures her desire for autonomy and illustrates her anxiety. Furthermore, the reference to her age at the passage’s end foreshadows the revelation regarding Noah’s traumatic past: She was 11 years old when her dad attacked her. This opening passage of Chapter 1 therefore introduces the novel’s central conflicts, stakes, and themes.

“Unless I’d heard wrong, she hadn’t even finished high school, but you could guess that after one glance at her shorts, her T-shirt, and her black Converse. All she needed was to pull her hair back in a ponytail to look like the typical teenager waiting impatiently for someone to open the doors of some big box store so she could buy the latest TikTok trend all the fifteen-year-olds were freaking out about. Still, I couldn’t take my eyes off her hair; its color was strange, somewhere between dirty blond and red.”

Nick Leister’s internal monologue reveals how he sees Noah when they meet. His first impression is negative, and his references to her clothing, hairstyle, and imagined pastimes of choice affect a judgmental narrative tone which captures the enmity Nick feels toward her. At the same time, the last line of the passage foreshadows the way Nick’s interest in Noah will develop, introducing the theme of The Relationship Between Love and Hate.

“What a damn idiot! As I climbed the stairs, stomping as loud as I could, I couldn’t stop thinking about the ten minutes I’d spent with my new idiot stepbrother. How could he be such a dickhead, a stuck-up psycho? God, I couldn’t stand him, and there was no way I could deal with living with him. It was bad enough that he was my mother’s new husband’s son, but after what had happened, my annoyance had reached stratospheric levels.”

Noah’s internal monologue and body language in this scene reflect an angry tone and a tempestuous narrative